Weird and Twisted Fairy Tales
by Devilkitti8
Summary: sum fairy tales that u prolly won't see the relationship between at first, but give it time
1. Jack and the Licorice Stick

Once upon a time, there was a little boy of seven years, whose name was Jack. He was a bright boy with straight A's in school, and grand plans for college, no matter that it was eleven years away. Sadly, he came from a poor family that had barely enough money to feed and clothe themselves.  
  
One fateful Saturday, they were totally out of money, and they needed food, so Jack had to sell his dog named Joseph Guillotine. In the market, a weird old lady offered Jack three licorice bits for Guillotine. Jack, seeing the licorice, was overcome with a longing desire for the red, yummy looking pieces, so he agreed.  
  
Just as he was about to go into his house, he realized how stupid he'd been to trade Guillotine for three licorice bits that wouldn't even begin to satisfy his family's hunger. So he threw them away. They landed in a small patch of grass a few yards from the house.  
  
The next morning, when Jack left for school, he saw an enormous stick of licorice sticking out of the ground, on a patch of grass a few yards away from the house. Coincidence? I think not.  
  
He ran back inside, yelling, "Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy! There's a huge stick of licorice out there! It's this, no, this big!" Of course his parents thought hunger was causing him to hallucinate, so they went out to see for themselves.  
  
As soon as they stepped out of the door his parents gasped, "Great holy mother of God, the boy was tellin' the truth."  
  
"I wonder how high it goes," Jack wondered aloud.  
  
"Well, why don' you go climb it," suggested his father.  
  
"No. No son of mine is gonna climb no beanstalk," his mother said firmly.  
  
"Aaawww, mom, please," Jack begged.  
  
"Come on, he's a boy, boys climb things," his father added.  
  
"Oh," she hesitated, "Alright."  
  
"Yaaaaay!" Jack cheered.  
  
".But be careful."  
  
"I will!" and with that Jack dropped his backpack and went over to climb the beanstalk.  
  
Jack had been climbing for what seemed like hours, and he still hadn't reached the top, so he kept climbing. He climbed so high he reached the clouds.  
  
Over one thick cloudbank, which looked almost solid, he saw a house. "Huh," he thought to himself, "That's strange." After thinking it over, he decided to test his weight on the cloudbank. Gingerly, he prodded the closest cloud with his right foot. It seemed solid enough, so first he set down his right foot, and then his left foot. It held his weight!  
  
He slowly walked over to the house, testing every part of the cloud before putting his foot down. When he finally made it to the house, he knocked on the door. Almost immediately, a tall, skinny man answered the door. "You need to leave, right now, it isn't safe for you here," he said hurriedly.  
  
"But, but," Jack stuttered, surprised.  
  
"No buts. My ogress of a wife will be back soon," he said as if that was an answer.  
  
"So what?" asked Jack.  
  
"She loves to eat little boys like you."  
  
"Can't I come in for a minute, I'm so hungry, and whatever you're cooking smells so good."  
  
"Oh, alright. But just for a minute," he agreed.  
  
Inside, Jack saw an instrument case, "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the case.  
  
"That's a Strautavarius violin, it's worth a small fortune," the man answered.  
  
"What's that?" Jack asked, pointing to a sword and scabbard.  
  
"That's an ancient jeweled sword and scabbard. It's worth much more than the violin."  
  
"What's that?" asked Jack, pointing to a small and battered bag.  
  
"That's the medicine bag that belonged to Geronimo himself. That makes it worth more than the sword and violin together."  
  
"Wow," Jack sighed in wonder.  
  
After Jack had eaten, they heard footsteps. "Oh no!" the man cried in panic, "She's coming! Hurry! Get behind the couch!"  
  
"Okay," answered Jack, as he hurried over to his hiding place. He made it there just in time, because no sooner had he hid, he heard the door slam.  
  
"I smell a kid," said a deep, female voice. The voice paused, "A boy, about seven years old, scared, and hiding behind the couch."  
  
"How did she know?" the boy asked himself. He could hear footsteps coming to his hiding place. He panicked. He grabbed the violin, the sword, the medicine bag, and ran. He caught a fleeting glimpse of an ogress before he was out the door. He ran as fast as he could toward the licorice stick, and slid down it without looking back.  
  
Back down in his yard he shoved the items into his parents' hands, ran to the shed and grabbed an ax. He ran back to the licorice stick, where his parents were standing in awe, and started hacking at the licorice. Thankfully, the ogress was much more awkward then Jack and had barely started down the licorice stick when Jack started hacking at it. The licorice stick disappeared as soon as Jack had hacked through it, and all that was left was the original three licorice pieces Jack had been given. He keeps them in a small red box on his nightstand. When the licorice stick tumbled down, the ogress fell also, the impact killed her instantly, and she disappeared as well.  
  
Of course Jack's parents were curious about where he had gotten the stuff, and what the things were that he had brought down. After he told them the entire story, they just stared at him, speechless.  
  
The next day they sold the violin to a merchant, who wanted his daughter to learn, the sword to a scholar who was studying that era, and the medicine bag to a prince, who wanted to give his tutor an exotic gift. With the money they bought everything they needed and a little more.  
  
After his parents died, Jack built a castle on a hill away from his village. Where he lived in luxury and happiness, until a witch turned him into a beast. 


	2. Hansel and Rapunzel

Once upon a time, there lived a woodcutter, his wife, and his two children, Hansel and Rapunzel. They had just enough food for two, and not quite enough for four. So they were always hungry.  
  
One night Rapunzel was lying awake -she never had an easy time getting comfortable because of her long, long hair- and she heard her parents talking in the next room. "We should just get rid of them! We barely have enough food for ourselves, let alone two kids," she heard her father say.  
  
"Ok! What a great idea!" her mother agreed.  
  
"Tomorrow we'll take them deep into the woods, then abandon them," her father voiced.  
  
"Great idea, husband of mine," her mother praised.  
  
Silence fell, and Rapunzel lay in bed wondering what she and Hansel should do. Then it came to her, she woke her brother up and told him everything she had heard, then her plan. She bent down and let her hair drape over her face. Hansel took a knife and cut a thick lock of hair from her head. Rapunzel took the bunch of hair and split in half, giving half to Hansel.  
  
The next day as they walked through woods Hansel and Rapunzel each left a hair every few feet. Their parents led them deep into the woods. When they had made it very near the heart of the woods their parents said, "Stay here while we got chop wood."  
  
"Okay," said Hansel and Rapunzel in unison. Soon after their parents had left, they fell asleep, because they hadn't been able to sleep the night before.  
  
They slept the day away, and were awakened by the chill in the air. When they saw that the sun was setting, and their parents hadn't come for them, they were glad they had left a trail to follow.  
  
They started following their trail of hair but they had soon lost the trail in the dark, and were hopelessly lost. They stumbled into a clearing that looked strangely similar to the last three they had passed, and decided to rest for awhile before going on.  
  
The next morning they continued on their way. Soon they came to a stream. They drank gratefully before wading across. On the other side of the stream they saw a cottage that was a bigger model than theirs. They went up to the cottage and knocked. A giant answered the door.  
  
He smiled a big toothy grin when he saw the two kids standing there. They smiled back, a nervous smile, but still a smile. "Come in! Come in!" the giant cried in delight.  
  
Once in the cottage, Hansel and Rapunzel told the giant- whose name was Henry, and who turned out to be quite nice -all of their problems over a cup of hot cider and gingerbread. Henry was very sympathetic; he listened hard and made little noises like, "Oh," "Wow," and, "Uh-huh," throughout their story.  
  
As they were drinking their cider and eating their gingerbread, Hansel and Rapunzel decided that they very much liked Henry. When thy finished their story, they were struck by an idea. "Can we stay with you?" asked Hansel.  
  
"Please," added Rapunzel, "We won't be any problem."  
  
"We'll help you with the house work."  
  
"Pretty please let us stay."  
  
Henry was touched that they wanted to stay with him, and they seemed like nice kids, and he was lonely, but still.  
  
"Oh. all right," he gave in.  
  
"Yee haw!!!" Hansel and Rapunzel cheered.  
  
Their parents were having trouble living with abandoning their kids on their consciences' So they went looking for Hansel and Rapunzel. It wasn't long before they came to Henry's cottage. When they knocked and Henry answered, he didn't smile as he had for Hansel and Rapunzel. "Come in," said Henry slowly.  
  
Inside, they asked if he had seen two kids, Henry couldn't bring himself to lie, it just wasn't in him, so he said he had, and called Hansel and Rapunzel in.  
  
When Hansel and Rapunzel saw their parents they gasped in horror. Their parents said "Oh Hansel, Rapunzel, can you ever forgive us for leaving you and come home?"  
  
"No," Hansel answered.  
  
"You'll just abandon us again," added Rapunzel.  
  
Upon hearing this, their parents attempted to grab Hansel and Rapunzel, but Henry stepped in the way and almost yelled, "They said NO!"  
  
Hansel's and Rapunzel's parents were so frightened that they ran back to their house, where they lived out the rest of their days in shame. 


End file.
